Things I want to teach El about relationships:
They're important. It took me a long time to value relationships because a childhood of constantly moving from place to place really built up my independent streak. I spent most of life looking at relationships as means to accomplish something because there was never a sense of permanence. Never did I attach any spiritual significance to any acquaintance. This is all slowly changing. I hope El gets there faster than I am.
Love is not a feeling. I don't mean love is more than a feeling, I mean love is NOT a feeling. Love is action. Love is action that takes place regardless of (and often despite) feeling. Lust, infatuation, happiness, warmth, connectedness - those can all be feelings. The love action is easier when certain feelings are also present, but if it dies without feeling, it ain't love. You don't love someone because they make you smile or you find them attractive. You love someone when they make you cry and you forgive. You love someone when they need and you provide. Please please please remember this when a boy says he loves you. Most of them have no idea what that means. One will.
A friendship that can survive honesty is worth huge amounts of sacrifice. You will have many friendships that have boundaries you can't cross without losing the friend. You will have a few that can handle and provide true honesty. These are the friends that will help you grow, will be there when you're in need, and will mean something when things crumble around you. If you can't think of someone that fits this description, pursue it.
Don't burn bridges. Life is too short and the world is too small to end a relationship on a sour note. This is especially true of business relationships. When things do end badly, don't be too quick to blame the other person. Always be brave enough to look in the mirror first.
They're important. It took me a long time to value relationships because a childhood of constantly moving from place to place really built up my independent streak. I spent most of life looking at relationships as means to accomplish something because there was never a sense of permanence. Never did I attach any spiritual significance to any acquaintance. This is all slowly changing. I hope El gets there faster than I am.
Love is not a feeling. I don't mean love is more than a feeling, I mean love is NOT a feeling. Love is action. Love is action that takes place regardless of (and often despite) feeling. Lust, infatuation, happiness, warmth, connectedness - those can all be feelings. The love action is easier when certain feelings are also present, but if it dies without feeling, it ain't love. You don't love someone because they make you smile or you find them attractive. You love someone when they make you cry and you forgive. You love someone when they need and you provide. Please please please remember this when a boy says he loves you. Most of them have no idea what that means. One will.
A friendship that can survive honesty is worth huge amounts of sacrifice. You will have many friendships that have boundaries you can't cross without losing the friend. You will have a few that can handle and provide true honesty. These are the friends that will help you grow, will be there when you're in need, and will mean something when things crumble around you. If you can't think of someone that fits this description, pursue it.
Don't burn bridges. Life is too short and the world is too small to end a relationship on a sour note. This is especially true of business relationships. When things do end badly, don't be too quick to blame the other person. Always be brave enough to look in the mirror first.
posted by Chitchat at 11:57 AM
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