Did Newton know about this?

Spiritual inertia must be a more powerful force than physical inertia. The weight of study hangs heavily around my neck, but it's not a weight created by study. Rather, study has enabled me to see the weight that had been there all the time. It's as if I'm watching a movie and the main character is continually walking inches from the thing that will save his life. You want to yell "look to the left!!!" so that he can fulfill his destiny, but you know this character and you know he won't look left. He walks with his eyes cast downward...plodding. The characters he interacts with all think he's great, but they don't see the thing to his left - the thing that would change his life.

Well, I see it, and still inertia pulls me down the same worn path that I've walked countless days before. I won't look to the left. It's as if all the forces in life are directed at blocking my leftward glances.

Pitiful excuses. Odious excuses. Why do I deprive myself and those I love of the life I know to be available?

Left is freedom. Left is honesty. Left is peace. But left is sacrifice. Left is self-denial. Left is hard.

What if my kids resent the left turn? What if my wife hates my direction? What if those around me - those that I love - laugh? Can any of that really matter? Can it justify spiritual inertia to the grave? Can mediocrity really be acceptable? Can any of this be done half way?

So, study is really hard. Study takes the blinders off. Study won't let me sleep quietly in meaninglessness. Study demands an answer. Study says you're growing or you're shrinking. There is no stable status quo in study. There is no level path. Study won't let me say "I didn't know".